Holly’s Happenings

As you can tell from the last post, it’s been a rough day! But I want to send out a HUGE thank you to my wonderful friends in the blogosphere for their notes and messages of support and caring, it means a lot to me!

I’ve tried to spend the past couple of hours doing things that make me happy and make me feel better. I’ve listened to music, spent some time listening to the kids and their silly jokes, played with the dogs and spoke with my husband on the phone. All of which did help me feel better!

One of the biggest things that always makes me feel better is spending time, both online and off, with my friends. I have formed some very wonderful friendships with people that I have met online, people that have proven many times to be a wonderful source of support when I’m down and need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to what I have to say.

I’m doing better, I’m still down, but I have finally stopped crying. In time this will pass and I will look back on it and wonder why it was such a big deal. It’s simply one of the many bumps that we hit in the road of life!

As a parent, my first obligation is to my children. It is my job to support and protect them as well as teach them the difference between right and wrong. I know that my children don’t always do things the way that they are supposed to and they do often make mistakes, that’s part of being human.

But what happens when we, as a parent, cannot right the wrongs that have been done to our children or fix them? How do you help a child accept the fact that there is nothing you or they can do to change what has been done? And how do we, as parents, accept the fact that the system and the schools have failed our children?

To put it truthfully, I can’t, and I WON’T! I do not tolerate any type of abuse towards myself or my children, I never have and I NEVER will! I made a decision about my child’s education that I honestly thought was in their best interest. Had I have known then what I know now, I’d never have made the choice that I did! NEVER!

I’m beat, I’m torn up, I’m disgusted, I’m sickened and I cannot stop crying! I’m done letting people walk all over me and/or my children! I’m sick of sitting back trying to be the bigger and better person and ending up being the one that gets shit on over and over and over! I do not think I have ever hurt this much in my life, nor do I think I will ever fully get over the effect that my decision has had upon my child. The only thing that I can do is hope and pray that my child can forgive me and that I can forgive myself! From there, we can both move on to the next thing life has in store for us. What that will be, I have no idea! But for now, I need to rest so that I can stop the pain that I am feeling inside!

I tell you, I have had more frustration over kid stuff in the last week than I have in the past year! It’s to the point that it’s not only taking it’s toll on me, it’s also starting to get to my husband as well! I understand that parenting is not an easy job and does not have a users manual, but for it to get to the point that it is affecting my family this much it’s beyond ridiculous!

After everything we’ve been through in the past week it would be so easy for me to turn to drugs or alcohol to try and numb the feelings I’m dealing with, but I know that’s not the answer or solution. Besides that, knowing me the way that I do, I’d end up in alcohol or drug rehab because it would become an addiction for me, and with everything we’re going through right now, we don’t need that added to it!

So please bear with me for the next couple of days, I have a TON of things going on and need to deal with them and get them out of the way, then I can get back to the things in life that are enjoyable to me, a.k.a. blogging and hanging with my online pals!